The provided figures give information on the industrial, agricultural and domestic use of water in four different countries, including Egypt, Saudi Arabia, New Zealand and Canada.

In Egypt and Saudi Arabia, the majority of water is used by the agricultural sector, constituting 82 and 64 respectively. By contrary, domestic water use only accounts for approximately 10 and industrial water use makes up 10 and 30 respectively in these two countries.

On the other hand, in New Zealand and Canada, the agricultural use contributes to only 44 and 11, such figures are approximately a half and one-eights in comparision with that in Egypt

On the contrary, these two countries consume the highest amount of water for industrial purposes, 46 and 70 accordingly. Noticeably, the amount of water used by industry sector in Canada is precisely 7-fold as much as that in Egypt.

Meanwhile, only less than ten in domestic use, 8 for the former and 6 for the latter country, these numbers are slightly lower than that in the other two

The figures illustrate the proportions of water used for agricultural, industrial and domestic purposes in four countries: Egypt, Saudi Arabia, New Zealand and Canada.

Overall, water consumption patterns differed markedly across the four nations. Agriculture accounted for the largest share of water use in Egypt and Saudi Arabia, whereas industrial activities dominated in Canada and New Zealand.

In Egypt and Saudi Arabia, the agricultural sector was by far the main consumer of water, making up 82% and 64% respectively. By contrast, domestic water use represented only around 10% in both countries, while the industrial sector accounted for 10% in Egypt and a higher proportion of 30% in Saudi Arabia.

On the other hand, agriculture played a much smaller role in New Zealand and Canada, at 44% and just 11% respectively. Instead, these two countries devoted the greatest proportion of water to industrial use, with figures of 46% in New Zealand and a substantial 70% in Canada. Notably, industrial water consumption in Canada was exactly seven times higher than that in Egypt.

Meanwhile, domestic water use remained relatively low in both New Zealand and Canada, standing at 8% and 6% respectively, slightly below the levels recorded in Egypt and Saudi Arabia.

• Số liệu thiếu đơn vị (%), gây mơ hồ (constituting 82 and 64).
  Một số so sánh không chính xác / diễn đạt sai:
  one-eights → sai (phải là one-eighth)
  approximately a half → không rõ so với số nào
  Overview chưa đủ rõ ràng và còn lỗi ngữ pháp.

• Dùng liên từ sai hoặc không tự nhiên:
  ❌ By contrary → ✔ By contrast
  Lặp On the contrary không đúng ngữ cảnh.
  Câu dài, rối, thiếu dấu chấm.

• Nhiều collocation sai hoặc không tự nhiên:
  ❌ water usages → ✔ water use / water consumption
  ❌ industry sector → ✔ industrial sector
  ❌ one-eights → ✔ one-eighth
  Lặp từ và diễn đạt thiếu chính xác.

• ✅ 

  • Overview rõ ràng, đúng xu hướng chính.
    Không suy luận sai số liệu.
    So sánh hợp lý, có điểm nổi bật (Canada gấp 7 lần Egypt).

  • Từ vựng học thuật chuẩn Task 1:
    accounted for, by far, dominated, devoted, stood at, markedly
    Không dùng collocation sai.

  • Câu phức đa dạng, chính xác.
    So sánh và số liệu diễn đạt đúng.

   

  • Bố cục logic, chia đoạn rõ ràng.
    Liên từ dùng đúng: Overall, By contrast, On the other hand, Meanwhile.