Band 5.5 – 6.0

Band 7.0

The diagram illustrates the procedure by which tin cans are recycled via few 9 steps.

Firstly, the majority of used tin cans are put in recycling bins as collection points, then they are transported to a treatment centre or factories where all processes are taken place. Inside the factory, the initial step to treat these used cans is to automatically clean them with a particular machine which transports cans with convoyer belt and water pouring from above. After drain or detrimental substances have been cleaned, they are transferred into a furnace in which extreme heat is applied to melt these metals for the following process.

In the next stage, they are put into a mould to form tin cans and cooled with a metal cooling system. This is followed by the further processing of these tin cans including labeling and so on. Next, new cans are created, they are filled with different products.

The diagram illustrates the process by which tin cans are recycled. Overall, it is a linear process consisting of nine main stages, beginning with the collection of used cans and ending with the distribution of newly produced cans to the market.

Initially, most used tin cans are disposed of in recycling bins located at collection points. These cans are then transported to a treatment centre or recycling factory, where the recycling process takes place. At the factory, the cans are first cleaned automatically by a machine in which they are carried along a conveyor belt while water is sprayed from above to remove any remaining waste or harmful substances.

After being cleaned, the cans are transferred to a furnace, where they are exposed to extremely high temperatures in order to melt the metal. The molten tin is then poured into moulds to form new cans and subsequently cooled using a metal cooling system.

❌Lỗi sai
“via few 9 steps” (sai hoàn toàn)

❌ Có dùng từ học thuật nhưng dùng sai hoặc không tự nhiên:
via few 9 steps, convoyer belt (sai chính tả), all processes are taken place, drain or detrimental substances, to be storing again

Chỉnh lại là: recycling bins, treatment centre, furnace, mould, labeling

❌Lỗi ngữ pháp
are recycled via few 9 steps
where all processes are taken place
After drain or detrimental substances have been cleaned
they are now ready to be transported (không cần “now”)

Mô tả đầy đủ quy trình, có overview rõ ràng

Trình tự logic, liên kết mạch lạc

Từ vựng học thuật phù hợp (linear process, molten, subsequently, exposed to…)

Câu phức tốt, lỗi nhỏ không đáng kể.