![[Writing Task 1 - Map] The diagrams below show the changes that has taken place in a village park over the past 10 years.](https://www.hrsviet.com/uploads/0000/1/2026/01/31/villageparkbanner.jpg)
Band 6.5 – 7.0
These two maps clearly exhibit the alteration happening in a particular park during the past ten years. It is obvious that this park has been modernized and become much more crowded than before, with more entertainment facilities and less spare space.
To be more specific, although the entrance is still located in north-west corner of the park, a new cycle path has been constructed running along the edge of the park in the clockwise. However, the wooded field which was covering the south east of the park, has been cleared to give space to the emergence of a new cafe. The small Pond next to it to the west has been refurbished and reconstructed to serve visitors who come for boating.
Besides, the location of the football pitch has been maintained the same right at the center of the park in the last ten years.
Meanwhile, the car parking are placed in the northwest field, which was in the past designed to host 20 cars, has been expanded to host 50 cars, which is a remarkable increase. In the north-east area, the tennis court and children play area both have been developed and enlarged considerably, they are now doubled in size with two additional tennis courts and a children soft play ground respectively. In addition, a picnic area has been newly established in the south-west are which was completely empty in the past.
❌ Lỗi
Chưa thật chính xác/logic:
running along the edge of the park in the clockwise → sai ngữ pháp
Quá dài và rối:
Meanwhile, the car parking are placed in the northwest field, which was in the past designed to host 20 cars..
Collocation sai / dùng từ chưa tự nhiên:
|
Câu chưa được |
Vấn đề |
|
in the clockwise |
phải là clockwise direction |
|
children play area |
children’s play area |
|
car parking are |
car park is / parking area is |
|
south-west are |
sai chính tả area |
|
emergence of a new cafe |
nghe gượng (nên dùng construction/opening) |
|
Thay vì nói công viên "crowded" (đông đúc - thường dùng cho người) |
nên dùng các từ như "densely developed" (phát triển dày đặc) hoặc "extensively refurbished" (được cải tạo sâu rộng) để nghe chuyên nghiệp và khách quan hơn. |
Grammar
Lỗi mạo từ:
in north-west corner → in the north-west corner
Band 7.0-7.5 sau khi sửa lại
These two maps clearly exhibit the alteration happening in a particular park during the past ten years. It is obvious that this park has been modernized and become much more densely developed than before, with more entertainment facilities and less spare space.
To be more specific, While the entrance remains in the north-west corner of the park, a new cycle path has been constructed running around the park in a clockwise direction. (However)Furthermore, the wooded field which was covering the south east of the park, has been cleared to give space to the construction of a new cafe. The small Pond next to it to the west has been refurbished and reconstructed to serve visitors who come for boating.
Besides, the location of the football pitch has been maintained the same right at the center of the park in the last ten years.
Meanwhile, the car park in the north-west of the park has been enlarged from a capacity of 20 cars to 50, which is a considerable expansion. In the north-east area, the tennis court and children’s play area both have been developed and enlarged considerably, they are now doubled in size with two additional tennis courts and a children soft play ground respectively. In addition, a picnic area has been newly established in the south-west area which was completely empty in the past.